Phrase by 'Demetri Martin'
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Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest.
Author: Demetri Martin - American ComedianMore , Myself , Laugh , Honest
I noticed that there are no B batteries. I think that's to avoid confusion, cause if there were you wouldn't know if someone was stuttering. 'Yes, hello I'd like some b-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries!' and D-batteries that's hard for foreigners. 'Yes, I would like de batteries.'
Author: Demetri Martin - American ComedianYou , Know , Think , Someone
For example, I was a White House intern the summer before I dropped out of law school. Everybody knew about it. I'd come home and go to church and everybody would say, 'Oh, my God. Demetri, you're working at the White House.'
Author: Demetri Martin - American ComedianYou , Home , God , School
I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.
Author: Demetri Martin - American ComedianDay , Think , Find , Funny
I thought I would, you know, go to college, get to law school, finish, and then get a job and work as a lawyer, but that proved to be not a good fit for me.
Author: Demetri Martin - American ComedianYou , Me , Work , Good
My favorite fruit is grapes. Because with grapes, you always get another chance. 'Cause, you know, if you have a crappy apple or a peach, you're stuck with that crappy piece of fruit. But if you have a crappy grape, no problem - just move on to the next. 'Grapes: The Fruit of Hope.'
Author: Demetri Martin - American ComedianYou , Chance , Hope , Fruit
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
Author: Demetri Martin - American ComedianTime , Good , Loser , Winner
I keep a lighter in my back pocket all the time. I'm not a smoker, I just really like certain songs.
Author: Demetri Martin - American ComedianTime , Back , Just , Like
I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
Author: Demetri Martin - American ComedianSee , Happy , Birthday , Christmas
I think it's interesting that 'cologne' rhymes with 'alone.'
Author: Demetri Martin - American ComedianThink , I Think , Alone , Interesting