Phrase by 'Demetri Martin'

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Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down.

Author: Demetri Martin - American Comedian
  Me , Down , Walk , Laugh


A lot of people don't like bumper stickers. I don't mind bumper stickers. To me a bumper sticker is a shortcut. It's like a little sign that says 'Hey, let's never hang out.'

Author: Demetri Martin - American Comedian
  Me , People , Never , Mind


I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.'

Author: Demetri Martin - American Comedian
  You , Go , Funny , Puzzle


Saying, 'I'm sorry' is the same as saying, ' I apologize.' Except at a funeral.

Author: Demetri Martin - American Comedian
  Saying , Apologize , Sorry , Funeral


If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half.

Author: Demetri Martin - American Comedian
  Time , Down , Building , Riding


I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude.' 'Dude, these are isotopes.' 'Dude, we removed your kidney. You're gonna be fine.' 'Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies.'

Author: Demetri Martin - American Comedian
  You , Your , I Am , Win


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