Phrase by 'Gilbert Gottfried'

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I always wish the hotels were like they are in movies and TV shows, where if you're in Paris, right outside your window is the Eiffel Tower. In Egypt, the pyramids are right there. In the movies, every hotel has a monument right outside your window. My hotel rooms overlook the garbage dumpster in the back alley.

Author: Gilbert Gottfried - American Comedian
  You , Movies , Window , Garbage


I have always felt comedy and tragedy are roommates. If you look up comedy and tragedy, you will find a very old picture of two masks. One mask is tragedy. It looks like it's crying. The other mask is comedy. It looks like it's laughing. Nowadays, we would say, 'How tasteless and insensitive. A comedy mask is laughing at a tragedy mask.'

Author: Gilbert Gottfried - American Comedian
  You , Look , Picture , Roommates


If I could cause world peace by taking someone out to lunch, I'd go, 'Well, war isn't that terrible.'

Author: Gilbert Gottfried - American Comedian
  World , Lunch , War , Peace


You never know what people will choose to be offended by.

Author: Gilbert Gottfried - American Comedian
  You , People , Never , Know


I was Jewish, through and through, although in our house that didn't mean a whole lot. We never went to synagogue. I never had a Bar Mitzvah. We didn't keep kosher or observe the Sabbath. In fact, I'm not so sure I would have known what the Sabbath looked like if it passed me on the street, so how could I observe it?

Author: Gilbert Gottfried - American Comedian
  Me , Never , House , Street


Well, I play Jews and parrots. Parrots are how I've branched out.

Author: Gilbert Gottfried - American Comedian
  Well , How , Out , Play


I wanted to be a brain surgeon, but I had a bad habit of dropping things.

Author: Gilbert Gottfried - American Comedian
  Bad , Brain , Habit , Surgeon


I'd make Jack Benny look like a philanthropist.

Author: Gilbert Gottfried - American Comedian
  Look , Like , Make , Jack


With the Internet, if you erase something it just means you have to spend another half-minute to find it.

Author: Gilbert Gottfried - American Comedian
  Internet , You , Something , Find


I was the class podiatrist. I never made it to class clown. I wasn't funny enough. I would examine feet and prescribe and ointment. It was a sad childhood.

Author: Gilbert Gottfried - American Comedian
  Feet , Sad , Funny , Childhood


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