Phrase by 'Joan Rivers'
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People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
Author: Joan Rivers - American ComedianYou , People , Money , Happiness
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
Author: Joan Rivers - American ComedianSee , Time , Fitness , Smiling
I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
Author: Joan Rivers - American ComedianGirl , Child , Attractive , Uniform
We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us.
Author: Joan Rivers - American ComedianYou , Us , Laugh , Joke
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
Author: Joan Rivers - American ComedianWork , God , Us , Diamonds
I hate old people, I hate children. I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
Author: Joan Rivers - American ComedianPeople , Children , Hate , Fool
I'm grateful for every day I'm still alive. Everything is still working. I attribute it to eating a lot of processed foods. I think it's the preservatives that keep me going. That, and I eat as much chocolate as I can get my hands on.
Author: Joan Rivers - American ComedianMe , Day , Grateful , Eating
I get butterflies before I go out to say hello at a party.
Author: Joan Rivers - American ComedianSay , Go , Party , Hello
I truly think comedy is - being funny is DNA. My dad was a doctor, a wonderful doctor, and people still come up to me today, 'Your father helped my mother die.' You know what I'm saying? He made her laugh 'til she died. My father was always very funny.
Author: Joan Rivers - American ComedianMe , Father , Mother , Funny