Phrase by 'Steven Wright'

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I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.

Author: Steven Wright - American Comedian
  Live , End , Dead , Street


A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

Author: Steven Wright - American Comedian


Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

Author: Steven Wright - American Comedian
  Humor , You , Time , Walking


If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

Author: Steven Wright - American Comedian
  Rest , Too , Drown , Swimmer


If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?

Author: Steven Wright - American Comedian
  You , Space , Light , Speed


I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

Author: Steven Wright - American Comedian
  Me , Old , Night , Hotel


Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

Author: Steven Wright - American Comedian
  Me , Just , Here , Weird


I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.

Author: Steven Wright - American Comedian
  People , Way , Hat , Reflection


Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.

Author: Steven Wright - American Comedian
  Me , Grow , Ocean , Wonder


I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.

Author: Steven Wright - American Comedian
  Two , Reading , Bible , Glasses


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