Phrase by 'Henny Youngman'

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When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.

Author: Henny Youngman - American Comedian


I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.

Author: Henny Youngman - American Comedian
  Love , Me , Woman , Wife


A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.

Author: Henny Youngman - American Comedian
  Help , Sick , Woman , Chicken


There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.

Author: Henny Youngman - American Comedian
  Girl , Night , Door , Hotel


A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

Author: Henny Youngman - American Comedian
  Man , Teacher , Poor , Student


A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

Author: Henny Youngman - American Comedian
  Live , Man , Pay , Doctor


My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

Author: Henny Youngman - American Comedian
  Need , Glasses , Grandmother , Bottle


My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.

Author: Henny Youngman - American Comedian
  Time , Army , First Time , Brother-In-Law


When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Author: Henny Youngman - American Comedian


Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

Author: Henny Youngman - American Comedian
  Love , Home , Woman , Marriage


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