Phrase by 'Phyllis Diller'

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What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

Author: Phyllis Diller - American Comedian
  Day , Looking , Job , Christmas


Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Author: Phyllis Diller - American Comedian


I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Author: Phyllis Diller - American Comedian
  Want , Children , Things , Funny


You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.

Author: Phyllis Diller - American Comedian
  You , Know , Someone , Shoes


The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Author: Phyllis Diller - American Comedian
  Never , Women , Football , Outfit


Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

Author: Phyllis Diller - American Comedian


Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.

Author: Phyllis Diller - American Comedian
  Your , Growing Up , House , Walk


I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

Author: Phyllis Diller - American Comedian
  Years , Behind , Eighteen , Ironing


We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

Author: Phyllis Diller - American Comedian
  Children , Teacher , Down , Walk


I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'

Author: Phyllis Diller - American Comedian
  Three , Fresh , Lady , Grass


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